Lonesome Organist Rapes Page-Turner
Artist The Dresden Dolls
Written by Amanda Palmer
Length 3:42
Album(s) No, Virginia...

Lonesome Organist Rapes Page-Turner is a song by The Dresden Dolls.



==' this song about an organist who rapes the person responsible for turning the pages of his music. How did she come up with this image? In our interview with Amanda Palmer, she explained: "I grew up in an Episcopal church, but I was never an official page turner. The organist never had a page turner. It was a small operation. I wrote that song in college, because there was this guy, I think he might still tour, called The Lonesome Organist. He was like a great sort of vaudeville-y one-man band. And his shtick was that he played, like, 12 different instruments, and he had them all in one contraption. So it was like a big, crazy drum set with keyboards and accordion, and things to blow in, and all sorts of stuff. I remember seeing him, because he toured at my college, and the name stuck. And I remember thinking, Lonesome Organist Rapes Page Turner would be a really hilarious newspaper heading. So it was one of those songs that was written off the title. He was totally Dr. Seuss. And his music was really throwback rag-timey, great theatrical crazy stuff."

After our interview with Amanda, we heard from The Lonesome Organist, whose name is Jeremy. He told us: "I always wondered if that band had some sort of vendetta against me. Now I know that that is not the case even if their song paints the lonesome organist name in a creepy unflattering manner. How freaking weird." ' -SongFacts Interview[1]==

He told me that I knew what to laugh at
And I wanted to but I just couldn't ask if he would take it back so I could know for certain
So on the bench I watched his left hand crossing
While doubling entendres with the voicings
He said "O darling, you're charming
Please don't find it alarming if I pull this stop out to free up a hand for heavy petting"

Now there there
I'm a friendly man
I joke about sex because it's funny when you're frightened

So silently I sat and turned the pages
Recalculating our respective ages
Over my shoulder, he muttered, "If I get any older
You can hack my wrists off with your choice of objects
No, I'm kidding"

Don't be scared
I'm a friendly man
I joke about death because it's funny when you're frightened

This is as far as I could get
He jabbed a needle in my neck
Erasing all the evidence
But there were matchsticks in my pants
And if a rock should hit my head
And I remember what he did
You'll be the very first to know
Maybe I'll find out why this damn thing won't stop bleeding

He told me that I showed a great potential
That given I turned heads and pages
Fame would be a piece of cake
But practice was essential
So like a stupid child I believed it
And golly who would had agreed if
I had been Schubert or Mozart
Devoted to the fine art of perfecting absolutely everything inconsequential

Don't be sad
I'll come back again
I joke about trash 'cause it takes class to be enlightened

So several decades have gone by
I am still sitting by his side
I turn the pages faithfully
He turns his head and smiles at me
And with a wink he says, "I doubt
We would be anywhere without
Your gift for keeping truth and consequence from meeting"


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